Ujian 2016 - Part 1

My goodness. These few months memang gila. Lepas satu, satu ujian melanda. Malam-malam, aku selalu menangis. Kadang-kadang marah. Rasa macam nak gila.

Sejak Julai tu, adik aku patah tangan. After 2 bulan, dia kena berhenti kerja. Kalau diikutkan, memang tak patut lah, tapi company dia tu law firm kecik. Staff ada la beberapa orang. Dah adik aku takde, tinggal sorang. Maka adik aku bagi green light kat boss dia if diorang nak cari replacement. 2 kali extend nak bukak casing tu, last sekali, boss dia kata diorang akan cari replacement. Maka, dengan jayanya, aku lah yang akan menanggung makan minum pakai adik aku. Takpelah, dia pun bukan ada hutang.

Julai tu jugak, mak aku kata mata dia dah tak nampak langsung. Dia nak buat specs. Aku pun bawa la dia g jumpa optician. Lepas buat test mata, memang optician pun surrender. Dia kata mak aku bukan rabun, so dia suruh aku g jumpa ophtamologist. Aku dah agak dah. Mak aku memang ada cataract. Dulu aku dah ajak dia g check tapi dia tak mau. Hari tu, aku bawak jugak. Sah. Memang ada cataract. Kena bedah. Fine, dalam hati aku, kalau area 5K, aku boleh la. Sekali doktor cakap mak aku punya urat mata plak prob. Even buang cataract, x guarantee akan pulih. Tapi kalau inject satu ubat ni, peluang besar nak nampak balik. Harga ubat tu sahaja lagi mahal dari kos operate. Bincang, akhirnya doktor kata kos untuk dua mata lebih kurang 10K. Rasa aku plak kena cataract on the spot. Kabur terus pandangan aku. Tapi demi mak, aku setuju. Aku betul-betul nak dia nampak balik. Kalau dia boleh jalan tanpa kena papah and tak jatuh, tu dah cukup baik.

So kitorang buat appointment secepat mungkin nak operate mata mak. Tapi doktor kata bacaan kesihatan mak aku kurang baik (mak aku tak makan ubat kencing manis, darah tinggi dia lepas tu g melantak roti canai). Doktor suruh kawal before operation. Within first week before operation, mak aku buat perangai. Nak cancel bagai. Kawan2 dia datang rumah menakutkan macam2. Sampai menangis2 mak aku sebab takut. Aku plak dah booking. Bayar dah beribu. Kalau cancel, memang burn la duit tu. Last2 aku menangis. Baru mak aku cuak. Dia setuju.

On the day, before nak operate, doktor akan check kesihatan semua. Tiba2, bacaan kencing manis mak aku tinggi gila. Doktor tu tanya mak aku makan ubat tak? Aku cakap la makan. Memang aku nampak dia makan. Dia cakap tinggi sangat, dia tak boleh proceed. Aku pelik la. Aku dah pantang kan makan mak aku semua. Takkan takde turun langsung. Mak aku minum teh O je pagi tu. Aku frust jugak la. Dah bazir masa. Doktor tu slowtalk cakap kat aku, suruh aku g bawak mak aku jumpa doktor dan amik dosage tinggi sikit. Dalam kereta aku soal siasat la mak aku. Rupanya2 selama ni dia tak g check up. Dia kata dia g ngan kawan2 dia. Dia beli kat farmasi je ubat tu. Aku bawak dia g klinik amik ubat lain. So operation tu postpone next two weeks.

On that day, sekali lagi aku frust. Kencing manis okay. Darah tinggi okay. Bacaan nadi mak laju gila. Doktor siap suruh aku bawak mak g klinik sebelah buat ECG. Katanya mak macam ada masalah jantung. Aku yang tak tau apa2 ni bawak lah mak g situ buat ECG. Doktor kat situ kata jantung mak okay je. Cuma mak demam sikit. Dah dia tulis kat surat tu kata demam, memang cancel lah operate. Tapi dia soal siasat mak pasal darah tinggi plak. Dia kata macam tinggi. So dia tanya mak g check up tak? Mak cakap dia tak g. Dia makan ubat member dia bagi. Member dia amik dari klinik kesihatan. Doktor tu pandang aku macam nak makan. Dia kata mana boleh suka2 amik ubat orang lain. Betul la tu. Tapi aku tak tau, mak aku tak cakap kat aku. Aku memang malu gila. Marah pun iya. Aku mintak doktor tu prescribe ubat kat mak aku. Tapi doktor tu kata, dia tak boleh suka2 prescribe, dia nak tengok ubat yang lama tu dulu. Takpelah, aku cakap, nanti balik, aku bawak mak g klinik yang dia biasa g je lah. Operate mata? Postpone lagi.

Maka dipendekkan cerita, setelah sesi perdebatan kat dalam kereta dengan mak aku, aku bawak dia g klinik yang dia biasa g tu. Check kat situ, semua okay. SEMUA OKAY. Kencing manis, darah tinggi, nadi, segalanya okay. Doktor kat situ cakap maybe darah tinggi and nadi laju sebab mak aku takut. Dia kata takde masalah. Aku pn pelik. Asal kat sana je problem. Aku cakap la pasal ubat darah tinggi mak. Doktor tu tengok ubat lama mak (aku balik amik kat rumah) and prescribe ubat lain. Dia suggest mak buat ujian darah. Mana tau ada sebab lain. Aku setuju la. Aku mana tau apa2 bab2 perubatan ni. Beratus gak. Takpelah. Aku ingat kalau keluar result tu, aku nak tunjuk je kat doktor mata tu if ada prob lain.

Lepas seminggu makan ubat darah tinggi baru, buat check up and amik result check darah, doktor trace darah tinggi mak tak okay. Doktor kata maybe ubat dia bagi, tak serasi. Dia kata better lagi ubat yang mak amik dari member dia tu. Pulak dah. Tapi mak kata dia rasa elok sikit makan ubat baru ni. So doktor pun kata, maybe proceed dulu. Aku dah risau dah, tapi tak tau nak buat apa.

Masa hari operation (kali ketiga datang), bacaan darah tinggi mak tak okay. Ya Allah. Serius aku dah fed up. Kali ni abg kata dia nak datang teman mak. Tapi dia tu kalau tak lambat, memang tak sah. Maka aku ngan mak sampai dulu. Kami sampai awal dari waktu appointment. So diorang buat check macam biasa. Masa darah tinggi tak okay tu, nurse tu tanya, nak postpone bila. Aku cakap aku nak cancel. CANCEL. Aku cakap, kalau nak tunggu okay, sampai bila2 pun takkan okay, sebab kalau aku bawak mak g klinik lain, dia akan okay. Dia cuma tak okay, kat situ je. Dia akan takut lepas tu nadi laju, darah tinggi naik, suhu badan naik, semua benda naik. Nurse tu terus telefon doktor cakap kami nak cancel. Mak diam je. Sepantas kilat, tiba2 je aku nampak doktor terpacak kat situ. Dia cakap amik alat bacaan darah tinggi yang manual tu. Terus dia check mak. Dia kata tak payah cancel, dia akan bagi ubat untuk turunkan darah tinggi mak. Aku sebenarnya tak suka dia bagi ubat penenang kat mak. Sebab yang sebelum ni pun dia bagi ubat jugak, tapi takde perubahan pun. Ubat tu buat mak aku mamai sampai malam. Mak aku pun mintak kalau tak okay, dia tak mau makan ubat tu.

Doktor tu confident cakap, kalau makan ubat tu mesti boleh operate sebab ni darah tinggi. Aku pujuk mak, kata ni last kita try. Kalau tak boleh jugak, baru cancel. Mak dah merengek2 macam budak kecik. Dia ingat dia dah selamat tak yah buat. Sekali kena try last time. Makan ubat, dan doktor tu pantau kat situ, kejap2 check, kejap2 check. Turun je darah tu, dia terus suh nurse dia amik wheelchair tolak mak aku. Abang aku? Masalah betul. Tak sampai2. Mak aku cam eh eh, nanti lah, my favourite son tak datang lagi. Tapi dah terlambat, tup2 dah kat dalam. Elok je mak kat dalam, abang aku baru sampai. Sejam camtu kami tunggu, doktor keluar, kata "DAH" "Ha?" "Dah. Okay" sambil jalan masuk bilik dia sebab nak serve customer lain.

Nurse cakap kena rehatkan mak lebih kurang sejam lagi. Dia offer suh masuk temankan mak. Aku terus je ikut. Yang lain kena tunggu luar la. Aku masuk bilik rehat tu, mak aku cam takde apa2 je. Cuma mata berbalut.  Aku sembang2 ngan dia. Tanya pening ke, sakit ke, dia kata tak rasa apa2 pun. Dalam 15 minit camtu, mak aku dah bangun duduk. Katanya bosan. Nak balik. Adui. Aku suruh dia rehat tapi banyak pulak dia bercakap. Tapi serius aku lega. Operation berjaya. Lepas sejam yang penuh dengan leteran tak sabar nak balik mak, diorang bukak balutan mata mak. On the spot, kami keluar, mak boleh nampak terus. Nampak muka abang. Muka cucu2 dia. Muka kak ipar aku. Muka aku. Adik aku. Mula la dia terharu. Dah lepas tu nak menangis plak. Kami pujuk2 jangan bagi dia nangis. Lepas tu dia okay. Dia tanya adik aku, "Kenapa kau hitam sangat ni poi?". Terpana adik aku.

Overall, mata mak semakin pulih, kami ada follow up and inject urat mata tu. So far, dia makin pulih. Dah nampak la benda2 sekitar dia. And mula la, dia nak cancel operation mata satu lagi.

Sekarang mak tinggal dengan aku. Senang aku nak pantau makan minum dia. Adik aku pun tak keje, boleh tengok2 kan dia. Ada hikmah jugak ujian Allah kat aku. Alhamdulillah.

Tapi ni bukan satu2nya ujian yang datang. Kerja aku pun bermasalah. Masalah dari orang lain. Yang tu aku cerita lain kalilah.

Ramadhan 2016

Ramadhan tahun ni macam biasa. Tapi tak best sikit. Sebab sibuk sangat-sangat. Belum habis satu projek, kena start projek yang lain. Mood plak dah lari-lari. Satu skill yang aku develop sekarang ni adalah skill untuk buat kerja tanpa ada mood, tanpa focus and tanpa minat. Yer. Macam seronok bunyinya tapi serius tak best. Kita buat kerja just for the sake of the job. To finish them. Pergi kerja bosan je rasa. Nak study or research apa2 pun malas.

Last week, adik aku patah tangan plak. Maka berganda-ganda mood Raya telah terbang menjauh. Patah tangan dia, lagi patah hati aku. Sebab adik aku lah tukang buat kuih raya kat rumah. Nasib jugak aku dah order Kek Lapis Sarawak banyak-banyak. Raya ni makan kuih tu je la. Baju raya tak siap lagi. Plan nak jahit kebarung akhirnya jadi kurung je dek kekangan masa.

Masa dan masa. Sekarang ni barulah aku sedar. Orang yang paling kaya adalah orang yang ada masa. Orang kumpul harta banyak2 pun sebab nak "beli" masa. Bila kaya, ada maid, so masa untuk mengemas rumah, dah dibeli. Bila kaya boleh pakai kereta besar, canggih, ada driver, masa untuk drive, cari parking dah dibeli. Bila kaya, makan kat restoren luar, masa masak makanan, cuci pinggan semua dah dibeli.

Patutlah orang dulu-dulu kata "Masa itu emas".

Dan manusia memang selalu dalam kerugian. Termasuklah aku.

Au Naturel

I am in the beginning of my "hard core" diet. Despite being busy and not exercising, I had made conclusion that what I ate during last few months was the reason behind my low stamina.

I moved in to my own new house and so excited of having quiet comprehensive kitchen that I'll do the cooking like mak-mak. You know, like rice, lauk-pauk, sayur cooked with coconut milk and sambal.

So, last weekend, I had made a plan to eat clean and natural. The target is only for a month, but hopefully, I can continue afterward. For now, I want to regain my energy back.

I think this is the first time in my life, that I want to go through a DIET not solely for beauty and weight loss. So the objective of this new diet is not to lose weight, or getting flawless skin, but to eat as natural as possible. I will try my best to minimize cooking and processed food. That means, the cooking method will be either boil or steam. I will consider grilling or baking if I have more time. As for the food, I'll go with the one with 0% GST. Get it? Unprocessed one, except for the bread.

I was quiet skeptical at first, since I don't know how my taste buds will react to this "fresh" food. But interesting enough, I like them. Maybe it's been too long that my body depriving those nutrients that once I ate it, I instantly feel energetic. I am still sleepy and lazy but at least when I want to do something, I'll just do it.

Hopefully, by the end of this session, I'll be healthier and happier.

Sweet 28

Yesterday was my birthday, and I wasn't celebrating. I was in the middle of important job to setup programs for LIVE operations. The best meal I had yesterday was just Subway sandwich I had to gobble up before resuming my work. Luckily, so far, till now, there's no complaint.

I don't know why lately I always feel lazy. Like seriously, I have no motivation to do work. It's not that I'm having issues or unsolvable things in the office, but I always long for relaxation time at home, on the bed. Gah!

Is it because of the age? I am getting older, yes. That's it. I guess that's why.

There are so many changes I want to do but to resign job is not one of it currently. I've been assigned one crucial project with one important client. Do I need to worry? I suppose to, but like I said, I am too lazy to worry. Now I am worried of myself.

Usually, when I have a tendency to worry on something, I'll prepare everything and work on it successfully. But now, I really just want to rolling on the bed and get some looooong sleep. I don't know though. What is wrong with me. Is it depression?

And I am getting forgetful too. I always forgot what I bought and end up buying similar things again. Worst, I lost them waayy before I can use them. And end up buying again. Why???????

And just now during meeting, one of the system I developed with love, sweat and blood was unusable due to poor user's cooperation. Not my fault. The design was particularly from my client and the system were distributed among their vendors. Now vendor pleaded not to use it. We got the money and my boss is not less happy but I was the programmer, I do feel wasted. My love, sweat and blood is wasted.

Hopefully, I'll get bonus. I want to pay down my loan. And by end of 20's, I really do hope I'll get some financial freedom. Not totally, but at least, I can take days off without having to think about money and financial commitment.

Turpentine is sucks!

Last Merdeka holiday, as I planned to paint my living room, I made a visit to local hardware shop in my hometown. Since most of the things becoming more expensive nowadays, I rather drive all the way back to Sekinchan from Shah Alam (RM12 to petrol for back-and-forth) and bought all the painting supply there.

I was instantly RM550 poorer.

I planned to paint my living room taking inspiration of this.

http://www.murraymitchell.com/

Yes. Since I am so 'Melayu' in heart, I changed the black wall to very dark chocolate color to simulate wooden old Malay house ambient. :p Other than that, everything was going to be white; like brilliant white for walls and ceiling, and pearl white for doors and trims. Takut tak dapat cari pintu kononnya. Poyo sangat!

So for the door parts, it took up much preparation, because of the paint nature. Metal and wood paint is so difficult to wash. It cannot be washed off such as brick paints. Aside from taping and laying down newspaper, I was going to do the painting last, and going to throw away all the brushes, container, everything in contact with the paint. Additionally, I bought thinner as solvent. I didn't plan to do any thinning for the paint itself. The paint will be used straight from the can. This was to minimize the contact with the paint. The thinner is to strip off any mistakes or to remove paint from the skin if kena. Sure kena punya. Gittew!

But then, the uncle at the hardware store; the father to the tokey, being so cute and helpful, ask me to use turpertine instead. I really had never use it. But he said, turpertine has mild odour compare to thinner. It is oil based so it is not as sharp compare to thinner. So I bought one, together with thinner. Because he was so nice and cute.

Of course during painting, as I was taking up lunch break, I took the turpertine to soak the brushes to prevent it to harden. MY GOD! It smelled so terrible I almost throw up immediately once my nose catch it. It was so so bad it took few days to go away! Luckily I only use once. Other than that, I used thinner. Personally, I prefer thinner. It has this strong alcohol synthetic smell but it goes away pretty quickly. It stripped paint better and doesn't leave any feeling/residue afterward. But turpertine, oily! Aiyoooo.

However, the painting job was done sucessfully with my housemates help. But I hesitate to put up the picture here yet as I really need to do some decor. Few wall arts, and seriously new sofa. Looking forward!

Oh, I installed the pendant lamp on my own. Sweat and tears but worth it. I caused both toilet and bedroom lights goes off in the process but successfully fixed it. I was so scared as I am not knowledgeable enough in electrical wiring. I know simple wiring L-N-G rules, but the wiring nature in my house is a bit, hmm... different. But thank God, working in a discipline that encourage try and error, I slow slow do it. Nasib boleh!

GST kicked off. Everything become expensive. DIY. Effort pays off. Get knowledgable.

Tempat Lepak

Bila aku free2 time takde keje or tgh pending client confirmation, aku suka buka Quora. Aku terlalu suka lepak sana sampai aku buka banyak akaun, entah sebab apa. Tapi last2 aku commit nak lepak sana aku delete tinggal satu je. Berjinak2 since 2013 and commit since 2014.

Aku bukan nak promo Quora kat sini. Tapi bagi aku, elok la kalau orang2 Malaysia ni singgah Quora dari duk berfacebook. Facebook ni penuh sangat dengan fitnah. Dengan perkongsian yang tak mendatangkan faedah. While Quora adalah jawapan2 intellectual bagi soalan2 yang kadang2 sangat bodoh. Kat mana dalam dunia ni kita nak dengar wisdom orang2 terdahulu? Atau pengalaman harian orang2 Gaza. Atau nak dengar pengalaman cinta unmarried retired Hollywood actor masa zaman golden age dulu. Kat Quora la. Even nak baca perspective banduan atau seorang psycopath pun tak mustahil kat Quora. Saintis, engineer, astronauts, semua ada. Dan semua tak lokek kongsi pengalaman hidup dan jawapan2 terhadap soalan yang ditanya. Diantara rich and famous yang aktif kat Quora adalah Jimmy Wales (founder Wikipedia), bini Elon Musk (Tesla), Obama, even kakak Mark Zuckerberg pun ada x silap. Kalau Bill Gates ada, aku dengan senang hati akan follow.

Cool giler kot. Hans Zimmer jawab soalan sendiri. Kenal Hans Zimmer? Dia composer terkenal kat Hollywood. Titanic punya soundtrack, dia la yang bikin. Seronok sebenarnya bila baca cara orang2 hebat ni bekerja. Sebenarnya, diorang pun macam kita. Tapi kerja lagi kuat la.

Tapi yang aku paling suka kat Quora ni adalah jawapan2 camni:

Nice!

check out Quora tau.

Laparrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Aku takde benda penting nak cerita. Sekarang, pukul 5.43 pm, jap lagi pukul 5.45 pm. Office hour tamat. Aku dah menggigil lapar since pukul 3 tadi. Dibuatnya, semua bekalan makanan dan kudapan aku dah habis. Gula2 pun tarak.

Aku pulak tak keluar lunch tadi sebab malas. Aku biasa camtu. Aku lebih suka berfoya2 online sambil minum Milo dari keluar berjalan dalam panas tu nak beli makanan.

Aku dah tak tenang tapi nasib lah program semua dah siap, tinggal run testing sikit2.

TAPI!

Ribut petir pulak tiba2. Parking dah la jauh. Aku cukup cuak kalau nak meredah hujan2 camni.

Pastu pulak, aku dah janji dgn Poi nak kuar dinner kat luar. Klo x, boleh aku terus balik makan. Ni nak kena masuk kawasan apartment, tunggu Poi turun, drive g kedai makan, order, pastu baru dapat makan.

huk huk huk (ni bunyi menangis)

Dah pukul 5.50, hujan masih ganas. Persoalan utama, bila aku boleh memulakan gerak tempur aku ke kereta ni?